I'm so disappointed. I don't know how to express it in such a way that it doesn't sound selfish - but maybe, just this once, I have a little bit of a right to be selfish. I always think that I should have control over all my feelings, but this time I feel like I was pushed - shoved right off the proverbial ladder. (This is a reference to Bob's accident in August, where he was shoved off an eight foot ladder while fixing the awning on our RV and broke his leg to the extent that he needed surgery to implant a rod into his tibia and five screws in his ankle.) He likes to say that he DID NOT fall, he was shoved by the awnings support arm's gas shock.
So the day before Bob said, "I'm not going to the ship. I can't leave you alone and have you fall or something. I'd feel bad if you hurt yourself." His declaration made me feel loved and protected - someone was showing concern for Ms Independent.
Now, I wake up from my pain pill nap and he say, "I changed my mind - I've seen that you can do just fine. Paul's going and he texted me, so I'm going to the pub."
WTF!?!
Suddenly, I'm that 10 year old treading water in the middle of the lake and my father is yelling for everyone to "Save Kathy!" I knew, even at the time that my father was saying that I am a strong swimmer and my step-sister is lame, but it still hurt. It is the type of treatment I've received from everyone in my life and being strong and independent all the time is tiring. Sometimes you just need someone to say, "I've got this - let me carry this load for you. I'll take care of you for a change."
So, I am stuck in bed crying and wondering when he's going to say that he's sorry, but he doesn't come back into the bedroom. He just sits out there ignoring me. Finally, I can't stand it any longer and I yell, " I am mentally stomping out there to give you a piece of my mind! Do you want to come here and listen or do you want me to keep yelling?" He comes in the bedroom and says that he thought that I wanted to be alone. Really? Men!
I am able to explain how I was feeling and he apologizes.
In fact I did fall that very evening on the slippery bathroom floor while going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It scared the sh*t out of both of us and I have to say that I did not know that Bob could move that quickly. :0)
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